personal favorite jokes

Once, there was a film crew who were shooting a movie in the jungle of the Amazon. The first day an Indian came up to them and said, "Sunny today." As the day turned out sunny, the film crew shot a film that would fit the weather. The next day the Indian came and said, "Rain today." And that day it rained. This continued on for two weeks: the Indian telling them the weather, and his predictions coming true. After the two weeks, the film crew was ready to film the biggest scene in the movie, but the Indian didn't show up with his weather prediction. Unsure of what to do, the crew waited. For three weeks they waited. Finally, the director was tired of waiting and he went to find the Indian. "Where have you been? We need your weather predictions! What will the weather be today?" The Indian shrugged and said, "Don't know. Radio broken."
One day, an atheist was walking through the woods, marveling at the nature around him. "Look at the mighty trees, the strong river. Look at the majestic mountains, and the graceful birds..." the atheist went on and on about what he saw. After an hour, he heard a rustling in the bush behind him. The atheist turned and saw a nine foot grizzly standing on his hind legs, mouth open, drooling hungrily. The atheist turned and started running, but he could feel the grizzly gaining on him. He chanced a look back and saw the grizzly was almost upon him. Before the atheist could think, he tripped over a root. Right before the grizzly swiped him with its paw, the atheist cried, "God, save me!" Time stopped, the bear froze, birds stopped chirping, water stopped running, clouds stopped moving. A voice from the sky said, "You have denied my existence all of your life. You have accounted my creation as nothing more than a cosmic chance. You have denied me, why should I help you now?" "You have a good point," the atheist said. "Can you just make the bear Christian?" "Very well," God answered. Time resumed. The bear contritely folded his paws and said in a rumbling voice, "Dear God, thank you for this meal which you have provided from your bounty. Amen."
Once, there were two sisters. One could not read very well, but was very strong. The other was extraordinarily smart. They had inherited the family ranch. All they had left were cows. The animals were dying off, because they could not reproduce. The smart girl, Steffy, said to her brawny sister, Susie, "We need to buy a bull so that we can keep this ranch going. I just found an add for a bull. We have $600. I'm going to go look at this bull. If I think we can afford it, I will call you to hitch up the trailer, and you can come pick us up." Susie nodded, and Steffy left with $600. Steffy liked the bull; he was perfect. And he only cost $599! Ecstatic, Steffy ran to the telegraph office and told the man, "I need to send a telegraph to my sister, telling her to hitch the trailer and come get me and the bull I just bought." The man nodded. "Okay. 99 cents a word, ma'am." Steffy's face fell. She could only send one word. After thinking about it for a few minutes, she said, "Alright, sir. Send the word 'comfortable'." "Comfortable? How are you going to tell her to hitch up the trailer and come get you and the bull in just that one word?" the man asked incredulously. Steffy grinned. "You don't understand. My sister reads slowly. She'll read it, 'come-for-da-bull'."